


Apollo

by 2plus2



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst with a sad ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Series, Tumblr, Tumblr: Minervaem
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 13:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7575103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2plus2/pseuds/2plus2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Writer blocks can be really frustrating, and sometimes having a “muse” doesn’t really help either. - Specially when your inspiration might not be there with you forever. ModernAU! Uncorresponded feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First marvel imagine! Hope you enjoy! Check my tumblr account for faster updates and more oneshots! (In process) www.minervaem.tumblr.com

With her fingers intertwined and biting her inner cheeks, (y/n) stared at the blank wall, waiting for some inspiration to cross her mind. She couldn’t really explain how hours ago she had her ideas all planned, scheduled and ready to be written down on her computer, when suddenly the mere sound of the closing door had wiped out every single word from her. Frustration growing bigger, she shut down her laptop and decided to take a break.

It wasn’t the first time during the last months that (y/n) could barely write a single paragraph without long periods of unsuccessful brainstorming and wall-staring. Her creativity seemed to fade everytime her daily distraction left her, which was very contradictory, since whenever Bucky was fooling around her apartment she wasn’t allowed to touch her computer because he claimed all her attention like a little kid, but at the moment he leaves, her fingers refuse to type what her mind dictates.

“Pizzaman is here!” (y/n) heard his voice, followed by the smell of pepperoni and mozzarella. Stretching herself, she stands up and moves to the living room, where Bucky was waiting for her, pizza box in one hand and two beers in the other one.

“I missed you so much!” she runs towards James, who had his arms wide open and a smile parting his expression, yet she was moving forward to hug the pizza “Oh god, without you I feel so empty.” (y/n) cried, grabbing the box and kissing it.  


“C’mon man, don’t make me feel replaced.” Complained the boy standing next to (y/n). “I’m going to make you pay for th...” Without letting him continue, she pulls him into a hug with her free hand, making him sink his head into her neck while giving him kisses on his hair. She loved the way his arms grabbed her waist, slightly pulling her closer and lifting her at the same time, squeezing her like she was his favourite teddy bear. “Okay, okay, that’s enough, I’ve already paid.” Buck mumbled as he retired himself from her grip. _It will never be enough for her_. His hugs were the best thing in the world. “How’s your new book going?”

Exhausted and frustrated, she let her body hit the couch as she grabbed a slice of pizza. “Horrible. I can barely write a line without feeling completely blocked.” (y/n) moaned. “It’s like playing hide and seek with your creativity.”

“Is it that bad?” He asked, sitting by your side. She nodded while chewing. “How can I help you with this?”  


“You can’t.” (y/n) furrowed her brows. Actually, he could, because when James shows up, her mind seems to start working again, filling her with tons of ideas by just looking at him and the way he moves.  


“I bet I can. Tell me the plot, and I’ll give you some ideas.” James offered. As he saw her disagreement, he added. “(y/n), I know your editor is demanding you a lot these days. How many chapters do you have to send him for this Sunday?”  


“Eight.” (y/n) said under her breath.  


“See? He doesn’t need  to know. I’m good at giving advices.” A bright smile appeared when he saw her giving up and he moved himsef so he could listen her better.  


“I was thinking about some romantic story for teenagers.” He rolled his eyes. “Hey! I love writing those!” She complained while throwing him a napkin.  


“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, keep going.” He apologised as he let her continue.  


“Okay so as I was saying, I think I’m going to write about two kids that grew up together, and I want to picture their struggle and their attempts to try to fit in and at the same time not lose themselves.” She summarised as she was looking at his interested eyes, feeling like she was starting to get lost in them. Suddenly, her heart skipped a beat, and her cheeks started to get warm, sensations that dragged her to the real world again.  


“Whoah, that’s some deep shit.” He commented. (y/n) wrinkled her nose as he posed like he was lost in his thoughts. “What you could do is reflect how their personalities start to change while their growing up? Like, you and me.” He pointed at them two. “We’re pretty different yet very similar at the same time: I hate being forced to express my emotions and you’re basically a cold hearted girl, forged with titanium. I’ve never seen you express any emotion towards almost nothing. Not even when Bambi’s mother died.” He joked. (y/n) laughed at his comparison. It was true she’s not used to express her emotions towards nobody, Bucky being the only exception. With him, she was different. She was warm and lovely, friendly and sensitive. He brings out the best part of her.

“Buck, no girl is made of steel or crystal. - We’re not _way too harsh or way too sensitive_ \- we’re diamonds.” (y/n) used her writer skills to explain her theory, with a low toned voice. “We’re harsh and fragile at the same time.- A diamond could drill and break anything for you, If you take care of it.- But if you let it fall, it breaks.” He was impressed by the example she gave him. Glancing to the opposite direction, she added, in an attempt to make a joke. “Have that in mind when you go out here to chase another girl.”  


The long pause that filled the room with silence made her think that he took her last comment in a negative way, causing her to look at him again, hoping for the best. Surprisingly, It wasn’t the case. He was looking at her with his puppy eyes, and she could sense his excitement by how his body was leaned towards her and the wide smile he was wearing.

“Talking about the new girl thing, I actually wanted to tell you something.” She could see a big storm coming, yet she still crossed her fingers and wished for any kind of news that didn’t involve a new girl in his life. “A few weeks ago I met this girl from... The UK? Yeah, and we kind of connected instantly.” His eyes were bright, full of hope, while hers darkened. “She’s awesome, and I want you to give me your approval. Your opinion is important to me, darling.” He smiled, and she couldn’t hide a smirk. That was the effect he had on her. She was happy if he was happy.  


“Yeah you know, my quality certification never fails.” She grinned “Remember Rebecca, when I warned you that she’d probably kill one of us in our sleep?” He laughed loudly, expressing delight with his whole body.

“Hell yes, she tried to hit you with her plate while I was in the toilet in that restaurant the day I introduced her to you.” Bucky beamed. It wasn’t a funny situation when he saw what was happening after returning from the restroom, -(y/n) covering herself with her clutch while an infuriated brunette was trying to throw her her white plate- but now it was one of those experiences that you would tell to your sons and grandsons in a future. “That girl couldn’t understand that a boy and a girl can be friends and not fall for each other.” He scoffed, while resting his arm on her shoulders. 

(y/n) bit her inner cheeks again. _Well, she wasn’t wrong. Rebecca claimed that she saw the way you looked at him, and how his hands were always searching for your touch unconsciously, when at the same time he was holding her. She saw the bright smile on James face whenever he mentioned you, and she declared that only one of you two could have him_. Of course, (y/n) looked at her like she lost her mind, only to figure out that night, in his house, that Becca wasn’t crazy at all. Since then, her capacity of typing words and creating fantasies started to depend on the presence of James Buchanan Barnes.

“She’s staying here for a few months, looking for a job.” He added with a dreamy expression.  


“And what are you going to do if she leaves?” She lowkey highkey wanted him to see that relationship with a dead end.  


“Well, you know... If things go well between us and she has to go back... I guess I’d go with her.” He concluded, giving her a weird look she couldn’t decipher. “I mean, I think it’s time to move on, go find new adventures, make a couple more mistakes before our forties.” He justified.  


It is scientifically impossible for a heart to break, but (y/n) could feel hers sinking and falling apart. Trying not to break, she asked quietly “And by that you mean... that you would leave me here?”


	2. Apollo Pt.2

Bucky bit his lower lip as he tried to find a proper answer, answer that he himself didn’t even know. When he was thinking about a new life in Europe, he forgot he would have to deal with losing boundaries, saying goodbye, and kick them from his life. You found yourself static and stiff, trying to process the idea of him grabbing a suitcase and escaping from your life. You laughed at the idea, because he was not yours; he wasn’t an object you could own. Yet, not only was he your inspiration, but also your anchor to the real world, since, as a writer, you’re likely to spend more time dissociating yourself from the real world than actually living in it.

[[MORE]]

“I guess I’d have to do sacrifices.” He gave (y/n) a tight smile, trying to find an instant solution to a problem that hadn’t happened yet. He pulled you closer and hid his nose where your neck and shoulder connected, just to take a deep breath and mumble “don’t think about that right now, I’d never leave your side even if you punched me in the face multiple times while begging me to get my ass out of your appartment.” He squeezed you in his arms. “We’re like those conjoined twins. You’re like my sister.” That declaration made you feel a pit in your stomach.

“Man, that’s the creepiest and weirdest comparison you’ve ever made.” The wrinkles in your nose showed up, trying to distract yourself from that bad feeling “remember that time you were so high you asked me that if someone was killed in a living room wouldn’t it be called dying room afterwards?” you scoffed, grinning as you could see embarrassment reflected in his eyes.

“Oh god shut up.” he retired himself as he thrown you the crust of the last slice, while you tried to hide a smirk by taking a sip from your beer. “I’m never smoking pot while drinking again. I’m not a college student anymore.” James complained.  


“I still can’t believe you did that to impress that girl... Molly? Mary?”  


“Mindy.” He remembered “I had a thing for young bad girls during a short period of time...” He covered his eyes while biting his lip.  


“Short?” You lifted your brows “Buck, you dated her for a year and after splitting with her you hanged out with her best friend for like, 2 years more? If it wasn’t because I wanted to steal wifi from your house your car would have “Motherfucker” writt...”  


“Okay, okay, you’re right. Just... Stop reminding me that phase.” Bucky shook his head, trying to get rid of those memories.  


“Welp, that tattoo you got does the job for me” You teased as he groaned, lifting up his shirt.  


With grey lines which were supposed to be black years ago, a pin-up style girl with a pork head showed up on his hip. It was the clear representation of why you shouldn’t get a tattoo drunk and mostly, for a girl. You dared to press your fingertips against his firm skin, feeling goosebumps as you could feel this eyes staring down at you and his warm touch. 

His sight scanned your face, searching for some expression while he felt like he was craving for your touch somehow. Maybe he was just _turned on_ , impatient for seeing his new girlfriend again this night.

“Like what you see?” James teased this time with that cocky smile, making you feel overwhelmed. Of course, you wouldn’t let your nervousness take over your behaviour.   


“In fact, you need to lose some weight.” (y/n) tapped his abs. Bucky, open-mouthed looked at you like you just offended his ancestors, pushing you to burst into a laugh. “Now get out of here, miss inspiration is knocking on my door and I need to answer.” You stood up, grabbing his arm as he moaned and complained. “Stop being childish, and go with Hope. I know she’s waiting for you.” You added, seeing with sadness how his eyes turned bright as you mentioned _her._

And with your _daily dose_ of Bucky Barnes, you started to type again.

* * *

Months passed and your book improved, at the same time James improved his relationship with Hope. Nonetheless, your inspiration issue was the same. You still needed him by your side, and the seriousness of his relationship with his girlfriend didn’t help. You could feel how his time with you was starting to be reduced, and how his attention was escaping from your fingertips. Stress and sadness was taking over your life and in consequence you spent more time daydreaming and using those lapses for your book in development. The quality of your work, however, decreased.

“Honey, you need to take a break. It’s been awhile since you went outside your home.” Advised Wanda.   


“I need to finish this bloody book, I need the money, I’m broke.” That had been your excuse. Economical problems, and deadlines.  


“Broke my ass.” You heard Natasha in the background. You saw her putting on her jacket on the screen of your phone. “We’re picking you up in 20 minutes, be ready and don’t you dare to escape, ‘cause we’ll find you.” She threatened while getting close to the camera.  


With resignation you throw your phone and decided to fix your aspect a little. They didn’t know how you felt about Bucky, and you were seriously questioning if you should tell them.

* * *

The warmth of the coffee was melting your frozen hands, and the smell brought you memories from that happy time when your social life and health were before ending a novel. It was surprising how could our jobs absorb what we used to love to do.

“C’mon girls, it’s not like we’re on an intervention.” You said, rolling our eyes.  


“In fact.” Natasha took a sip from her coffee. “It is.” Wanda nodded.  


“Why are you girls doing this? I’m fine, what’s the problem of being dedicated to your job?”  


“(y/n), you’re not dedicated to your job, you’re using it to evade yourself. It feels like years since you’ve been hanging out with us” Wanda took your hands and pressed them together firmly. “Is there something wrong?”  


You looked at them, guilt pressing your lungs, and fear crossing your mind. It was not a secret how close you and Bucky were, but there was no need for nobody to know your feelings towards him. It was something really common, and a simple crush like that one could be just temporal. At least that’s what you kept saying to yourself all these years.

“Its- It’s nothing.” You focused on your cup, hoping them to forget about it and start having a good time together, like the good ol’ days.  


“(y/n)...” Whispered Wanda.  


She knew something was hunting you, she always had this ability of looking inside your mind, and you knew it. It wouldn’t be a surprise if she figured out your crush on Buck by just staring at you.

“I- I think I started developing feelings towards someone I shoudn’t.” You summarised.   


At that moment, you could see how Nat and Wanda shared an understanding look. You frowned. 

“She fell for Buck.” Added Natasha, giving you a mother-like glance. “Oh dear.”  


“It’s... It’s nothing like that.” You sighed. “It’s just that somehow he helps me to write easily, and I need him so I can do my job.” You justified, trying not to lose it in the Need Him. “It’s been awhile since we’ve spent time together. Hope is such a great person, and they’re going serious in the couple thing. It’s getting more complicated for me to keep on going with the chapters when he’s not here, but that’s not something I can tell to my editor and expect some deadline delay.”  


“(Y/N/N), spit it out.” Demanded Wanda, getting impatience.  


At some point, your walls started to crack and, slowly, you felt weight falling on your shoulders, and how a lump was forming in your throat.

“I miss him.” You finally declared, not being able to look at your friends in the eye. “I- Okay I fell for him, long time ago.” Something warm was rolling down your cheek, but you refused to believe you were crying for him. You couldn’t. You had no right for being sad. “Months ago when he told me about his new girl he said he would leave the country for her. He would leave all behind for her.”

Your words tasted bitter in your tongue, because saying it out loud made you realise. He was in love. Hell no, he was _crazy_ in love. With Hope. He found his soulmate, and you were the one who was always represented as the girl left behind, the one who would find her home in him, but not being corresponded.

“Honey, don’t think about that. He’s still here, only a phone call away. Call him, tell him to come around, let his vibes help you on your writing, enjoy some time with him again.” They encouraged. “It might be hard, but If his presence is all you need, you should do it.”  


And with that, you three started to talk about other issues, making you forget for a moment you were in love.

* * *

“Pizzaman is here!” You heard him say like a record. You closed your eyes, relieved, after not hearing his voice for a long time.  


“I Missed you so much!” You repeated. But this time was different. This time your body was searching for him, avid to press your chest against James’.  


“(y/n) I swear to god if you’re saying that to the pi... Oh” He mumbled, surprised that your arms wrapped around him first. He smiled, pressing his nose against your hair and smelling your scent. God, he felt like home. “Missed you too little marshmallow.” He kept you hugged around him. He had no problems with it.  


Time was irrelevant for you both. It felt like it was yesterday when you had a long night talk, eating pizza, drinking beers, binge watching Netflix. It felt like it was yesterday you two found out you were _that_ close together.

“You gotta be kidding me (y/n)” He said, completely surprised and honoured. “Don’t play with my feelings like that, you know I’m sensitive.” He acted like he wiping tears from his face while you grinned like a little kid finding out how handsome boys were for the first time. In fact, he loved the idea of you finding a story behing his existence, because he felt like he was art for you.  


“I swear it’s like my brain refuses to work if you’re not around.” You gestured, exaggerating your moves. “It’s like you’re my muse.” You joked, hiding a little bit of truth in every word.  


“Muses are only for women darling.” Bucky corrected. “I’d be like Apollo or something like that.” His cocky smile appeared.  


“Don’t attribute yourself all the effort.” You punched him sightly on his arm. “I’m the writter, remember?” You two laughed until a comfortable silence settled in the room.  


“(y/n)...” James called. You looked at him. “Hope is coming here in a few minutes, we want to tell you something important.” Your smile faded, your chest felt heavy with every breath you were taking.  


“Is she pregnant?” You asked, feeling partially relieved as you saw him shake his head.  


“No, not yet.” That _yet_. He wanted to. “Remember when I told you I would move to The UK if she had to... Leave?”  


You wished time had some effort on you again. Make the moment faster, emotionless. You wished every damn second to be minutes so time could pass faster and leave this situation behind. With all your will, you nodded.

“Her visa ends in a week and... I think I’m moving with her.” You could see his lips curving up a little bit at the idea. Of course, it was difficult for him to tell you that either. _She’s your best and closest friend, of couse you’re feeling like shit leaving her here_. He mumbled to himself.  


“Bu- Bucky, I just told you you’re the one who’s actually helping me to end this shitty novel.” You stuttered, without any idea of how to act anymore. With a frowned face, he looked at you confused.  


“What are you trying to say?” He felt a little bit annoyed. He wanted your support and your approval, only to get a nonsense mumble about her job.  


“I mean, It’s my job, I need to keep going and earn a little bit of...”  


“I can’t believe what you’re saying.” He stood up, without breaking eye contact. “I came here to tell you that I’m starting a new life in somewhere new, and all you care about is your fucking job?” He gestured showing indignation.   


“I can’t do anything about it Buck, It’s a job!” This was your way for asking him to stay. You were new at showing strong emotions, and you didn’t know how to deal with it.  


“I am not an amulet, (y/n)! Stop being so selfish, all I needed was your support!” He shouted at you. “You’re acting like a spoiled brat!”  


“Do you think I like my creativity to be bounded to you like this? Do you think I’m happy with the idea of my closest friend leaving to an island?” You stood up next to him.  


“WELL, THEN YOU SHOULD STOP BEING SO ATTACHED TO ME AND FIND ANOTHER MAN TO PLAY AROUND WITH, WOULD YOU?” He raised his voice a little bit more  


“DO YOU THINK I HAVEN’T TRIED THAT CRAP?” You screamed, tears running down your cheeks like waterfalls “ HAVEN’T YOU THOUGHT THAT MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, ASSHOLE?”  


You froze. He froze. You were scared, he was surprised. You wanted some reaction from him, but he didn’t move for what it felt like hours. And then, you finally got it. He moved. He walked towards the door. He opened it, ready to leave, only to find Hope standing still in the corridor. You gasped when you saw him wrapping his arms around her the way he used to do to you, whispering something to her ear, and kissing her lips shortly after leaving you with his girlfriend. 

You couldn’t find any strength to keep yourself up, so you let your body hit the couch, tired. Hope walked and sat next to you, resting her hand in your thigh, rubbing it, trying to comfort you. You looked at her, confusion dripping from your eyes.

“Have you...?” You didn’t need to complete the question, she just nodded. “I’m sorry.” You apologised.  


“Don’t be, dear.” She smiled at you, showing empathy. “We can’t control our feelings, It’s not your fault.” You kept yourself quiet, still impressed by the way she was treating you. “It happened to me once, too.” She confessed, staring at the white wall. “But the feeling fades. And we move on.” She took your hand. “Right now Bucky and I are in love. Well, at least I am.” She laughed softly. Even her laugh was something angelical. “He’s the type of person you would fall easily in love with.” You agreed at that, even though it took you years to realize how much you loved him. “That doesn’t mean you can’t find someone out there. I’m saying this because I don’t want to be the type of woman pictured as a bitch anywhere. I understand how you feel, and I know the pain.” You closed you eyes, drowning a gasp. “I don’t really know you, (y/n), but I feel like you’re an incredible woman, and finding another man won’t be difficult to you. And, I truly hope you find one as good as Bucky is for me.” With that, she took her purse, gave you a warm look, and left.  



End file.
